10 Things to Do Before I Die

10 Things to Do Before I Die

Daniel Ehrenhaft

Language: English

Pages: 224

ISBN: 0385734069

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

10 Things to Do Before I Die

Daniel Ehrenhaft

Language: English

Pages: 224

ISBN: 0385734069

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


1) Lose my virginity

2) Apologize to Rachel

3) Get back at Biff

4) Jam and party with Shakes the Clown

5) Laugh in death’s face

6) Go to Africa

7) Rob a bank

8) Tell Mark to screw himself

9) Find out why Grandpa and Dad don't talk

10) Tell the truth

From the Hardcover edition.

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lurches forward and throws a sweaty arm around my shoulders. “We’re gonna take care of that other stuff, too. Even the first thing! That’s right. You’re going to become a man tonight. But you gotta trust me on this. Okay? Will you trust me? Will you trust your old pal Mark? You gotta beat the crap outta this kid. Say the address back to me: 525 West Seventy-third Street. Apartment 15E. And—Burger!” “What?” “Have you heard a Word I’ve said?” “Have I heard . . .?” I crack up again. “That’s

and dirty blond bangs. I catch a snippet of dialogue: “. . . I’m not being a martyr,” the girl is saying. “Yeah, you are,” the guy snaps back. He glances around to make sure nobody is eavesdropping. I stare at my lap. “You’re laying a guilt trip on me. I mean, come on, Charlotte. You know I have my hands full With Amnesty International.” Amnesty International? Naturally, my ears perk up. Now, this might strike you as an extraordinary coincidence, the fact that two young people—a couple, no

trying to get some sense of Where I am. Is Yankee Stadium out there? No. No, it isn’t. All I see is a decrepit Warehouse. Wait . . . A sign is mounted on the door. It’s spray painted in black: THE ONYX. So We’re here. Wonderful. There’s a big crowd outside, too. Mixed. Older. Rough looking. Lots of piercings and tattoos. All are bathed in a ghoulish White glow from a huge streetlamp overhead. (The industrial type, usually found in prison yards.) A few people stare at our taxi as it glides to a

. beeeow . . . A cheer erupts in response: “Woooooo!” No. My blood runs cold. No. No! That Wasn’t some kind of signal! But the sound is overpowering. It’s a Wall, a force—I can feel it. “You ready to lose your Shakes the Clown virginity?” Wes Whispers out of nowhere. “Are you ready to get stupid-smart, Ted Burger?” Am I ready? “‘Kosher Firth Day’ on four,” he instructs me. Seconds later his voice booms from a microphone: “One, two, three, four—” The Answer to Wes’s Question Before We

to disintegrating. I catch a Whiff of Budweiser as I unfold it. To me, it smells like triumph. I take a moment to breathe evenly, to calm down a little. BURGER’S SPRING BREAK Lose virginity. Jam With Shakes the Clown. PARTY With Shakes the Clown. Get back at Billy Rifkin. Do something truly heroic. Like rescue a baby from a burning building. Along these lines, actually GO to one of those third World countries Rachel is always talking about and do something positive THERE. (Like Nigeria or

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