Every Day is an Atheist Holiday!: More Magical Tales from the Author of God, No!
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Let’s be honest—nobody has more fun than atheists. Don’t believe it? Well, consider this: For nonbelievers, every day you’re alive is a day to celebrate! And no one celebrates life to the fullest like Penn Jillette—the larger, louder half of legendary magic duo Penn & Teller—whose spectacularly witty and sharply observant essays in Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday! will entertain zealots and skeptics alike. Whether he’s contemplating the possibility of life after death, deconstructing popular Christmas carols, or just calling bullsh*t on Donald Trump’s apprentice training, Jillette does not fail to shock and delight his readers. And as ever, underneath these rollicking rants lie a deeply personal philosophy and a generous spirit, which find joy and meaning in family, and peace in the simple beauty of the everyday. Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday! is a hysterical affirmation of life’s magic from one of the most distinctly perceptive and provocative humorists writing today.
at fifty-two, and Kevin is fifty-five now, so tick tock tick tock, people, let’s get this movie fucking made. Kevin will be great. Let’s all work together and make Penn’s dream come true and let Kevin play Houdini! Is that too much to ask? I mean, that and a cure for AIDS with the patent in my name, and an eleven-inch dick like Huge Jack-off—I bet that’s why he got the part. Listening to: “Edison Machine Rehearsal” (1914)—Harry Houdini THANKSGIVING —IF YOU WON’T PUT YOUR DICK IN IT, I’M NOT
Vegas Strip. That job looks easy and fun, but doesn’t pay as well as showbiz. All that being said, you spend three weeks with Don Johnson and see how much you want to be alive. One of the security guys on Miami Vice was a former professional wrestler. While I was half asleep waiting for someone to apologize to Don so we could get back to shooting, my security guard buddy would tell me wrestling stories. This was years ago and I was sleep-deprived, but the way I remember one of his stories, he
every punch was blocked. One guy is trying to get a punch in and the other guy is stopping him. The frustration of all these little plans being foiled was nerve-wracking. “Get your arms out of the way and let that guy hit you in the face.” Later I read a great quote from Mike Tyson: “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” That’s what really bugged me. I hated that every one of these guys had a Rocky story and a coach and a plan and the plans never worked because the other guy knew how not to
again and again until there were a couple hundred people watching me do nothing. It got funny. With my audience in place, I would juggle balls, while commenting in a disparaging way about the routine, explaining, in different ways, that I bothered to do all this practicing, so they could at least bother to watch it. I moved from balls to very big and really sharp knives (I was a juggler, not a magician—I didn’t fake much). First I would juggle the knives with an apple. I would eat the apple while
doesn’t), defeat god, and become the most powerful force in the universe, wouldn’t he be our god? We’d meet the new boss, and he’d be the same as the old boss—good, by definition. Would we just replace the cross with heavy metal horns and start fucking our sisters’ assholes on beds of goats’ blood in the name of all that is unholy, while listening to Slayer? Wouldn’t that be community service? That’s beyond flippant, but anyone who says god is good has made the argument that morality exists