Short Back and Sides: Tales From an Irish Barber Shop

Short Back and Sides: Tales From an Irish Barber Shop

Peter Quinn

Language: English

Pages: 95

ISBN: B018EXBR5G

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

Short Back and Sides: Tales From an Irish Barber Shop

Peter Quinn

Language: English

Pages: 95

ISBN: B018EXBR5G

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Peter Quinn is a Dublin barber with a keen ear for a good story. This quirky collection of exchanges with his customers range from funny to eye opening, covering everything from the weather and the economy to the fall of the church and the spiralling cost of NAMA. Yet each tale is as individual as the customer and his hairstyle.

Customer: “Soccer will never take off in America; it’s just not going to happen!”
Barber: “I heard a quote in a movie “Americans will never embrace soccer!”"
Customer: “Who said that?”
Barber: “Homer Simpson in the Simpsons Movie!”

Female Barber: (approaching a customer in the waiting area) “you know the way you always give me a fiver tip?”
Customer: (A little surprised) “Yea?”
Female Barber: “Well would there be any chance I could get an advance, it’s just one of the girls is going out for our sandwiches and I have no money!”

Customer: “I’m a transparent wall maintenance engineer.”
Barber: “What is that?”
Customer: “I clean the windows at the airport”

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Races. It’s not as crazy as it has been in the Celtic Tiger years. Barber: It’s still a big draw, though—just not as many helicopters! Customer: Yeah, he told me it was like Vietnam up there with all the choppers a while ago. There were so many people flying in they had to build a control tower! The Irish crown jewels 1 August 2009 A customer was having his hair cut, and I noticed that he had a small paperback book with him that he’d placed on the shelf. Barber: What’s that you’re

it? Never seen the like of it: constant rain, constant rain—it’s been raining for forty-eight days consecutively. Barber: It’s all that Rihanna’s fault. Since her song ‘Umbrella’ topped the charts at the end of May the rain hasn’t stopped. In fact, some of the radio stations are putting a ban on the song! Customer (being very serious): It’s bad, all right. Never heard of Rihanna, but, you know, I heard that there’s a lad in Wicklow building an ark! Turn down that racket! 11 October 2007

to go to Des Kelly’s for that. We just cut hair! Turns out he wanted a crop. Time machine 16 September 2009 Customer: There’s a story out there that the hadron collider is so dangerous to humanity and the planet that it’s being sabotaged. Barber: I never heard anything about that. I did hear lots of talk about the world ending when it was turned on. So who’s trying to sabotage it? Customer: [whispers] People from the future! Barber: Like Terminator? Customer: Exactly. Dino’s Bar

by those who had, without realising it, parked in someone’s space. The best of which was: Customer: I parked in someone’s private space in a car park in town without realising, and when I came back my wipers were broken off the windscreen and shoved up my exhaust! Barber: I still can’t believe someone would be so angry that they’d do that! I heard a few similar stories. It seems it was a trend for a while. Frozen window-washers 21 January 2010 Customer: Still snowing, eh? The

the US is different from a billion in the UK. A billion in England is a million million: that’s 1 with twelve zeros; in the US it’s a thousand million: that’s 1 with nine zeros. I don’t know if we use the American value or the English. Barber: After a million I’m lost. I tried to enter a billion in the calculator on my phone, to divide it, and I could only enter ten million. There wasn’t enough room for all the zeros! Customer: Here’s a good way to remember it: a million seconds is 12 days; a

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