The Princess & the Penis
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A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.
well-rested, and happy face of the young princess. “See?” said the king. “What did I tell you? She’s been left undisturbed for the night and had a wonderful sleep.” “Actually,” said the princess, “the reason I had a wonderful sleep is I found a good way to deal with this thing that keeps appearing in my mattress. Instead of sleeping on my back or side, where it sticks into me, I simply rolled over and put it between my legs, where it fit perfectly and felt quite nice.” The queen almost fainted
filled the room. “Gone? Departed for good?” said the king. “Yes,” said the princess. “Then why so sad?” “Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.” “What penis doesn’t try to make you feel that way?” whispered Aunt Ingrid to her sister. “Until you give it what it wants,” Aunt Leila whispered back. “Then it gallops off like a highwayman after a heist.” “But don’t you see, daughter?” said the king. “This is glorious
However, this time, she said, “I’m feeling a bit tired, actually. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll take a nap.” “Certainly,” said the prince with a bow. A few moments and a few more bows later, he and his attendants departed, exiting the room in the exact reverse order in which they had entered. * * * “Where have you been?” Aunt Ingrid asked her sister, who’d just walked through the door. “Whatever do you mean?” said Aunt Leila, blushing. “I mean it’s after eleven p.m., your hair is
endlessly about himself and his possessions; yesterday, he took Amalia for a disastrous ride in his golden carriage. As they passed through the village, the villagers came out to greet her, as usual, and his Silver Guard drew their swords on them. Amalia was horrified and leapt down from the carriage to intervene. Yet even when the prince saw how warmly the people embraced her, he still refused to greet them, which caused quite a rift afterward. “There’s something else, too. She’s been
ask?” “Because she seems to spend a lot of time in bed. First, we cannot meet until midmorning because she sleeps in. Then it’s back to bed again right after lunch. The same occurs in late afternoon. And we can’t schedule anything in the evening because she retires for good at seven.” The king glanced at his wife, both of them turning instantly pale. “What is it?” asked the prince. “Is there something—” A woman’s high-pitched voice drew their attention to the hall’s entrance. “It’s the