The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History

The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History

Adam Selzer

Language: English

Pages: 245

ISBN: 0385736509

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History

Adam Selzer

Language: English

Pages: 245

ISBN: 0385736509

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Do you know America? No, I mean, do you REALLY know America? Would you recognize John Adams in a lineup? Can you identify any presidents between Lincoln and Roosevelt?

Hmmm. I thought so.

Well, you really need this book.

Not only will it improve your sorry historical knowledge, it will crack you up, and give you material to throw your teachers off-balance for entire class periods. Identify their lies! Point out their half-truths! And possibly, just possibly, gain some extra credit for yourself.

About the Author
Adam Selzer is the author of How to Get Suspended and Influence People. He grew up in the suburbs of Des Moines and now lives in downtown Chicago, where he can write in a different coffee shop every day without even leaving his neighborhood. In addition to his work as a tour guide and assistant ghostbuster (really), he moonlights as a rock star. Check him out on the Web at www.adamselzer.com.

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people up to the idea that environmentalism was a real issue. The same guys Eisenhower called the military-industrial complex went right to work convincing people it wasn’t, and that the environment was just fine, so they could keep dumping garbage wherever they pleased. HEAVY-METAL SUICIDE In the mid-eighties, several heavy-metal bands were taken to court over charges that their music caused kids to worship Satan and commit suicide. Would you have let a guy in spandex and a whole lot of

Old North Church if the British came by land, and two lanterns if they came by sea. Either way, he’d see them from his window and ride around to tell everybody to get ready to fight. This, of course, left the colonies woefully unprepared if the British launched themselves across the sea by catapult or tunneled in from underground, but fortunately enough, neither of those methods would have worked, anyway. Catapults were considered useless as modes of transportation in those days. One night, two

other losing sides, the South got a pretty good deal. Either a 1917 reunion of Civil War soldiers in Washington, D.C., or a Colonel Sanders look-alike contest. CONCLUSION To this day, there are people who claim that the South very nearly won the war. Saying that the two powers were pretty evenly matched makes the stories that much more dramatic. In reality, though, the Confederates never had a chance. That they lasted as long as they did was actually quite a feat. From the beginning,

must be right. As a president … well, he was a pretty good soldier. See the next chapter. General Joseph Johnston: Became a commissioner of railroads, and respected Grant and Sherman (to whom he surrendered) so much that he was a pallbearer at their funerals. By the time of Sherman’s funeral, Johnston was eighty-four and feeble but insisted on keeping his hat off as a sign of respect, even though it was raining. He caught a cold, or possibly pneumonia, and died shortly therafter. William

it would be successful. But on June 5, he rallied the troops, and early the next morning, 150,000 men sailed and parachuted onto the beaches of Normandy. Within a couple of weeks, more than 600,000 troops had stormed the beach, bringing with them over 200,000 tons of supplies. Casualties were high; about ten thousand Allied soldiers were captured, wounded, or killed. But in the end, the invasion was a succcess. The Battle of Normandy was a decisive victory for the Allies. Churchill announced

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